


Rub That Glitter and Grease Around

by weird_situation



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Boys in dresses, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-22
Updated: 2012-04-22
Packaged: 2017-11-04 02:49:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/388850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weird_situation/pseuds/weird_situation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of Clint, Tony, and Darcy's shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rub That Glitter and Grease Around

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Lady Gaga's Glitter and Grease.

“Shhh,” whispered Clint as he and Tony entered the mansion. “You’re going to get us caught.”  


Tony giggled helplessly and waved his hand holding a pair of gold heels. He stumbled and grabbed Clint’s arm with the same hand that held the heels.  


“Fuck! Stark, watch where you’re shoving things.” Clint attempting to stay quiet, but his voice rose as Tony’s heels dug into his arm. That was going to bruise. Clint really didn’t want to explain strange bruises to Coulson  again.

Lights flooded the hallway and Clint groaned when he saw Natasha’s head poking out of a doorway. The groan turned to a whimper as a grin slowly stretched across her face. Tony just waved happily at her. Clint had hoped  the late hour would have meant everyone was in bed. Of course they wouldn’t be that lucky.

“This is all your fault,” hissed Clint to Tony as Natasha made her way over to the pair.  


“Bruce! I think you’ll want to see this,” Natasha called out, never taking her eyes off the men huddled together by the front door. “JARVIS? Can you please tell Steve and Thor their presence is required?”  


“Of course.” JARVIS said, a hint of amusement in his voice.  


Tony frowned. “Traitor!”  


“Indeed, sir.”  


“What do I want to – oh. Yeah. Well.” Bruce stuttered as he caught sight of Tony and Clint. “You two are quite…sparkly?”  


Clint buried his head in his hands as Tony attempted to brush the copious amounts of glitter covering him off. He stopped after hitting himself several times with the heels he still held.  


It never occurred to Tony to drop them.  


“What did you – oh. Uh. Tony? Clint?” Steve took in the scene: Bruce giggling, Natasha smirking, and Tony and Clint folding in on themselves to hide the fact that…well.  


“Why are our companions dressed in female attire?” boomed Thor from behind Steve, cutting straight to the point as usual.  


And indeed Clint and Tony were wearing dresses.   


Tony’s was very short, and very red. It had one off the shoulder sleeve and ruffles down the side. He was wearing what appeared to be clip on earrings. Steve hoped they were clip on earrings; he was certain Tony would pierce his own ears before getting it done by a professional, and he didn’t want to be the one explaining how Tony got an ear infection to SHIELD.  


Clint’s dress was longer, but still short, purple, and sleeveless. His legs were smooth and hairless, unlike Tony’s. Clint still had his heels on; they were black and strappy and he had ridiculously amazing balance in them. Bruce was a little in awe. Clint wore a delicate silver cuff on his wrist and a silver ring that on closer inspection was actually shaped like an arrow. (Tony had presented it to him when they were dressing for the evening; something  about making sure Clint was always armed. Clint thought it was sweet. And weird.)

Both had evidence of mascara and eyeliner on their eyes, and it looked as though Clint had some lipstick on. They were covered in glitter. Lots of glitter.  


“This is not what it looks like,” Tony said. Clint snorted and straightened the hem of his dress.  


“I’m not even sure what it looks like,” Steve admitted, hand over his mouth to hide his grin. Bruce made a noise of agreement.  


Natasha reached over and pulled Tony’s, thankfully clip on, earrings off. Tony rubbed his lobes and smiled brightly at Natasha, who quirked her lips in return.  


“Who did your make-up?” Natasha asked Tony. “It looks good.”  


“We watched lots of youtube videos. Did you know there’s a lot of make-up out there? Like. A lot. Too much. So we made Darcy do it,” Tony said to Natasha’s shoulder, as he’d slumped over onto it. Natasha just patted his head and shifted him over towards Steve.  


“Is Tony drunk?” Steve asked Clint.   


Clint shrugged. “Not really? He did have a drink that was a rather alarming shade of green. I think it was called the Hulk Smasher. Tony said he had to have it. I think he had like...three?”   


Bruce rolled his eyes.  


“But, other than that, we are completely alcohol free.”  


“I’m not sure whether that’s reassuring or not,” Bruce said. “Quite frankly – “  


The door burst open, interrupting Bruce. Darcy, dressed in a tuxedo that was clearly tailored to her body with a top hat and monocle, started talking as soon as the door was open, not taking in her surroundings, other than Clint and Tony.  


“You!” She thrust a pair of lacy underwear in Clint’s direction. “You left your panties in my car.”   


Clint choked and frantically gestured for her to stop talking, his eyes darting to the others’ faces, hoping they’d somehow not heard (unlikely), but Darcy was squinting to keep the monocle in and didn’t notice or didn’t care that there were Avengers other than Tony and Clint present.  


“And you! How did your stockings get into my CD player? You were sitting in the backseat. You owe me a new stereo system, mister.” Darcy turned to Tony and shook her finger in his face. “And I want a nice one.” She looked up, noticing the rest of the Avengers standing there for the first time. “Oops?”  


“Darcy!” Thor smiled widely and crossed over to Darcy to pick her up and twirl her around. The top hat fell off Darcy’s head and Natasha picked it up before Thor could step on it.  


“Whoa there, big guy. Squishing me a little here.” Darcy gasped.  


“My apologies,” Thor said as he sat Darcy back down. She wobbled a bit before giving Thor a thumbs up.  


“All good.”  


Natasha ran her eyes up and down Darcy, taking in her outfit and smiled at the younger woman. She placed Darcy’s hat back on her head and winked. “Looking good there. What’s the occasion?”  


Darcy blushed and opened her mouth to reply when Clint spoke up.  


“Not cool, Tasha. No using your powers of seduction to get answers. We have a pact,” Clint gestured to Darcy and Tony, “and you will not break us.”  


“Yeah,” piped up Tony. He was nodding emphatically in agreement with Clint, almost tumbling over from where he’d managed to plaster himself to Steve’s side. Tony had finally been persuaded to let his shoes go by the other man before Darcy’s outburst.  


Sorry , mouthed Darcy to Natasha. The older woman smiled and linked her arm through Darcy’s.  


“It’s fine. You’re staying here tonight though. Let’s go get you something more comfortable to wear. The hat suits you.” Natasha led Darcy out of the entryway.  


“She’s going to crack so hard.” Clint frowned after them.  


“Come on, time to put you two to bed.” Steve ushered Tony and Clint towards the bedrooms. Thor trailed behind and Bruce waved at them as he turned to go down to his lab.  


“You’ll be strong, right buddy?” Clint asked Tony.  


“Strong as…a strong thing,” Tony mumbled, face smushed to Steve’s chest.   


Thor clapped Clint on the shoulder when they reached his room. “I bid you goodnight and congratulate you on your pleasing appearance this night.” Clint just stared as the god entered his room.  


“Did Thor just call me pretty?”  


“You’re super pretty. Like a pretty...thing,” Tony said, managing to lift his head and attempt to wink at Clint. He succeeded in shutting his eyes. Steve sighed and picked a slowly sinking Tony up.  


“Night, Clint,” said Steve as he went to deposit Tony in his bed. Clint nodded and waved at the pair.  


“Well that was an unmitigated disaster,” Clint told the ceiling as he went into his room and flopped on his bed, too lazy to bother removing his shoes or dress.  


*  


The next morning the Avengers had their weekly meeting at SHIELD.   


Clint and Tony sat together, ignoring the smirks from the rest of their teammates. Tony wore a pair of sunglasses; the Hulk Smasher definitely packed a punch that Tony still felt.  


Coulson raised an eyebrow when he entered the conference room and saw the still somewhat sparkly pair, but chalked it up to their usual shenanigans. He really didn’t want to know.  


“Gentlemen,” Fury said to Tony and Clint as he walked in, a knowing grin on his face.   


Clint slid down in his chair, wondering if he could sit under the table for the rest of the meeting. Or the rest of his life. Either one. Tony just smirked and blew Fury a kiss.  


“I trust there will be no repeat of last night?” Fury asked.  


Clint looked at the director suspiciously. “What do you know about last night?”  


“Everything.”  


Well fuck.


End file.
